Interacting with human beings in intimate arenas can get quite uncomfortable at times. Beyond the masks and walls, and after a little bit of alcohol and drugs the true person comes forth. Sadly to say, the true person tends to be much more ugly, dirty, and fake then the picture painted.
Today, I had the pleasure to run on an off-site for a middle aged couple. An off-site is when a bellman leaves the property of the hotel in order to acquire goods for a hotel guest. This can be anything from buying a hairbrush to running a left behind wallet to a guest at an airport. The price varies by the job. But typically it will cost the guest about $25 plus the cost of the item.
I personally love to do off-sites. I get to leave the hotel, traverse out on my own, and make some quick money all while helping the guest at the same time. My mission for today’s off-site involved buying a can of Lysol. Yes, Lysol. Why? I seriously don’t know folks. Maybe it was for spraying the bed or a back up for cleaning up the filth of the night. I have no clue. But sixty bucks and a request for Lysol got my butt out the hotel doors and off into the dark night in search of the notorious cleaning spray.
Upon successful delivery of the Lysol, the true games began.
I knock on the door to room 1840. 2 minutes pass. I hear shuffling. “Maybe they were banging,” I thought. “I’ll wait a minute.”
The safety lock is opens. More shuffling. The door is still closed. “This is odd.”
Finally after another minute, the door is popped open. A butt naked blond in her thirties opens the door and walks away.
In I walk with hesitation, hanging by the door.
“Come in. Come in.” says her coked up husband. He walks over to me in a t-shirt with his dong hanging out.
“Here’s your Lysol,” I say.
“Cool. Are there any condoms in the room?” he says.
“There should be an intimacy kit. If not, I can have housekeeping send one up.”
“Is that how it has to happen?” he replies.
“Well, yeah, I mean, Let me try to find it in your room though.”
He walks away for a second. I search in all the possible nooks and crannies for the intimacy kit praying to find it and leave at once.
“I’ll tell you what. You find the condoms and I’ll let you bang my wife once.” He hollers.
“Oh, Lordy….” I’m freaking out.
Of course at that very moment I locate the intimacy kit.
“Here it is,” I say.
“O.K.. come here. Just this once alright. You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.” he says.
I look over and see his wife dying for some loving as she lays sprawled out on the bed. Her body is tight and her boobs amazing!
I just couldn’t muster up the guts.
It’s such an awkward situation. The Lysol, the randomness, the shuffling, the complete strangers….
In fight or flight mode I said, “No I’m good. Go ahead,” and walked out the door.
It amazes me to this day the shit people do, are willing to do, and engage in on a daily basis. Coming from an upstanding background and raised with morals it, frankly baffles me.
What are these people thinking?!!!!